Learning from Dominic Barter

I hope to begin to share some of the wonder and learning I gained this past weekend in attendance of A "Restorative Circle Training" with Dominic Barter. There were lessons in nonviolence, power imbalances and how to seek restoration of community. It was the same kind of experience I had when I first watched an DVD of Marshal Rosenberg presenting NVC. Big "WOW!"

Dom is originally from England but has been living in Brazil for 18? years. He studied NVC, before moving to Brazil. He wanted to continue NVC but had no idea how to get it started. "In Europe and the USA there exists a workshop culture," he said. "There is no such thing in Brazil." After Brazil watched a live televised unfolding of a hostage situation that occurred minutes for his school, Dom found himself feeling overwhelmed. He decided he needed to do something. He had been working as a teacher in a school for privileged kids that stood within view of a drug gang controlled ghetto, or "favella." Despite warnings that "it's too dangerous," and "you can't go in there," something inside urged him on.

He thought of lots of reasons not to go in. His mind was filled with doubts that he could accomplish anything, but continuing to do nothing had become intolerable to him. So into the favella, he ventured. From the very beginning people recognized and appreciated what he was doing as different from the NGOs, churches and nonprofit organizations. Those came in with preset programs and solutions. They did their thing and then left. Dom went in, "hung out," listened, heard the needs and requests and got involved. He didn't do anything "for" them, but his listening and questioning helped people figure out how to organize for their needs. He said that he quickly noticed that people including gang leaders gave him "precious gifts" of their conflicts. What resulted was the development of "restorative circles" and the establishment of "restorative systems" going into school systems, the justice system, and in various communities.

His success began and continued from an attitude of not knowing what was needed, and giving no assurances about results. I witnessed and was deeply touched by this attitude as he demonstrated it in his instruction and leadership with us. I was touched by his acceptance. I wouldn't call it warm fuzzy affection. His caring was evident through his nonreactive engagement.

As part of the training, I had opportunity to facilitate a "semi-simulated restorative circle.” The experience revealed much to me about myself, my assumptions and attachments. I found it freeing to consider that I was not responsible for the outcome of the circle, that I couldn’t know what “should” happen, or what form of communication is best for anyone to use.

Dom encouraged us to act as if we had "shown up late for the fight;" to let the circle participants inform us what they wanted heard and by whom, and what they wanted from the circle. He encouraged us to “stay in the conflict” to resist the temptation to shift into discussion mode. He instructed us to remain “with” the people in front of us who were seeking communication and restoration. He told us to notice when the desire to withdraw arose, and then recommit to stay present. Dom emphasized that there is no technique to learn. He defined presence as “who we were before we acquired any identity or behaviors.”

Dom's behavior and communication demonstrated the principles he had shared. I found that his “presence” was what contributed most to my learning. He demonstrated nonviolence as he responded to countless questions and situations. He offered no reassurance that things would be all right. It seemed to me that he expressed no disapproval at any time. He did enter into negotiation. He interrupted people and reasserted himself in attempts to make real connection. He told of power imbalances implicit in our systems, and that we tend to accept these when the imbalance is in our favor. He acknowledged to us that a constant stream of judgmental thoughts pass through his mind. He made clear that facilitating restorative circles wasn't a matter of being nice or free of judgments, but rather a matter of what we choose to pay attention to, what and how to communicate. For him the choice is satyagraha, “remaining connected to what is.”

To my students, friends and parishioners... Now in case your desire for support and learning causes you to expect me to integrate and practice all these wonderful things, I won't offer you any reassurance. I do look forward to joining with any who share my desire to learn, remember, and try restorative practices! If you feel excited or confused by anything you've read, I'd happily receive your questions.