Friday, November 12, 2010

RC arrives at Starr King

When I first encountered Dominic Barter and learned of the "Restorative Systems" he had established in Brazil, I felt wowwed, humbled and hopeful. I was struck by the transformative power of "Restorative Circles." These do so much more than help a few individuals feel better. They introduce communities to a different way of engaging in conflict.

It's my sense that many of our congregations suffer for generations from ghosts of conflicts past. If congregations had a healthier and more productive way to engage in conflict, this would have profound effects. In hopes of spreading the word,I shared with our district executive and others a prediction that the RC process to engage conflict was bound to find its way into use in Unitarian Universalist Congregations.

The process is so perfectly aligned with UU values, priniciples and purposes,that I couldn't help but imagine that there would be UU congregations interested. It is built upon the awareness of interdependence and the inherent worth and dignity of every person. It is a process where people get community support and participation in order to engage conflict and seek restoration. The system promotes both compassion and responsibility. It's not just about being heard or emotional catharsis. It attempts to facilitate shared meaning and self responsibility. It ends when restoration plans have completed to everyone's satisfaction.

The process reveals interdependence, the effects we have on one another, and the ties between us. It operates on the assumption that "conflict is owned by the community." It promotes awareness that each of us does matter.

Despite my confident proclamation, inside I held doubts. My encounters of RC had been spiritually overwhelming, "road to Damascus experiences." I feared that my vision would disappear in the light of the real world. I doubted myself, wondering if I could trust my experiences or should I discount them as an emotional high?

Was my proclamation that Restorative Systems would be established in our congregations, something visionary, or simply a trick of my ego? Was I simply wanting attention for having found something meaningful to me? Did I dare to move forward announcing the good news of something beautiful emerging in our congregations?

At the recent training in Atlanta, Becky, one of Dom's associates informed me that an RC practice was beginning at Thomas Starr King, UU seminary. I felt relieved and excited. I felt excited because I imagined Starr King as the perfect place for RC to land. How quickly this process had landed in such a key place. Oh, how I love to be right.

I also felt relieved to realize that it wasn't "up to me" to bring about the event I predicted. It wasn't up to me to see that this treasure came to our movement. Surely this was sufficient validation that I could trust my intuition, enjoy my participation and attempt to contribute to our advancement.

So here I am taking action on my sense of the importance of this work. I invite you to explore "RC" too. IF you have information about the spread of Restorative Circles into the UU world, please let us know. I welcome your companionship and support as we see if/how this process can support us in our mission(s). Let's hear your thoughts and experience engaging conflict with RC, and/or sharing this practice witho the worlds that matter most to us.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Learning from Dominic Barter

I hope to begin to share some of the wonder and learning I gained this past weekend in attendance of A "Restorative Circle Training" with Dominic Barter. There were lessons in nonviolence, power imbalances and how to seek restoration of community. It was the same kind of experience I had when I first watched an DVD of Marshal Rosenberg presenting NVC. Big "WOW!"

Dom is originally from England but has been living in Brazil for 18? years. He studied NVC, before moving to Brazil. He wanted to continue NVC but had no idea how to get it started. "In Europe and the USA there exists a workshop culture," he said. "There is no such thing in Brazil." After Brazil watched a live televised unfolding of a hostage situation that occurred minutes for his school, Dom found himself feeling overwhelmed. He decided he needed to do something. He had been working as a teacher in a school for privileged kids that stood within view of a drug gang controlled ghetto, or "favella." Despite warnings that "it's too dangerous," and "you can't go in there," something inside urged him on.

He thought of lots of reasons not to go in. His mind was filled with doubts that he could accomplish anything, but continuing to do nothing had become intolerable to him. So into the favella, he ventured. From the very beginning people recognized and appreciated what he was doing as different from the NGOs, churches and nonprofit organizations. Those came in with preset programs and solutions. They did their thing and then left. Dom went in, "hung out," listened, heard the needs and requests and got involved. He didn't do anything "for" them, but his listening and questioning helped people figure out how to organize for their needs. He said that he quickly noticed that people including gang leaders gave him "precious gifts" of their conflicts. What resulted was the development of "restorative circles" and the establishment of "restorative systems" going into school systems, the justice system, and in various communities.

His success began and continued from an attitude of not knowing what was needed, and giving no assurances about results. I witnessed and was deeply touched by this attitude as he demonstrated it in his instruction and leadership with us. I was touched by his acceptance. I wouldn't call it warm fuzzy affection. His caring was evident through his nonreactive engagement.

As part of the training, I had opportunity to facilitate a "semi-simulated restorative circle.” The experience revealed much to me about myself, my assumptions and attachments. I found it freeing to consider that I was not responsible for the outcome of the circle, that I couldn’t know what “should” happen, or what form of communication is best for anyone to use.

Dom encouraged us to act as if we had "shown up late for the fight;" to let the circle participants inform us what they wanted heard and by whom, and what they wanted from the circle. He encouraged us to “stay in the conflict” to resist the temptation to shift into discussion mode. He instructed us to remain “with” the people in front of us who were seeking communication and restoration. He told us to notice when the desire to withdraw arose, and then recommit to stay present. Dom emphasized that there is no technique to learn. He defined presence as “who we were before we acquired any identity or behaviors.”

Dom's behavior and communication demonstrated the principles he had shared. I found that his “presence” was what contributed most to my learning. He demonstrated nonviolence as he responded to countless questions and situations. He offered no reassurance that things would be all right. It seemed to me that he expressed no disapproval at any time. He did enter into negotiation. He interrupted people and reasserted himself in attempts to make real connection. He told of power imbalances implicit in our systems, and that we tend to accept these when the imbalance is in our favor. He acknowledged to us that a constant stream of judgmental thoughts pass through his mind. He made clear that facilitating restorative circles wasn't a matter of being nice or free of judgments, but rather a matter of what we choose to pay attention to, what and how to communicate. For him the choice is satyagraha, “remaining connected to what is.”

To my students, friends and parishioners... Now in case your desire for support and learning causes you to expect me to integrate and practice all these wonderful things, I won't offer you any reassurance. I do look forward to joining with any who share my desire to learn, remember, and try restorative practices! If you feel excited or confused by anything you've read, I'd happily receive your questions.

Gulf Water Healing Ceremony 7 24

I participated in a Service for the Healing of the Gulf of Mexico today. We gathered at the Blue Hole, the headwaters of the SA River. We came to offer our prayers and blessings into this water headed for the Guld of Mexico.

Dianne Monroe called the gathering inspired by similar gatherings across the country promoted by a group called Radical Joy For Hard Times. RJFHT invites an environmentalism that is intimate. Their idea is simple, travel to a site that has been under environmental assault and perform acts of beauty there. On June 19th, 2010 ceremonies were held on 7 continents.

Beauty was with us increasingly as our time together unfolded. At first, I hear armored tones as I speak. I know I have some work to do to shift my consciousness. My mind is filled with negative thoughts such as what am I doing here? What good is this going to do? Why do I want to sit and here people complain?

Fortunately, memory reminds me of the potential power of ritual. Not knowing what will be, I choose to open up my heart and receive the gifts of ceremony. I will welcome divine spirit in whatever form it comes.

We begin with a smudging ceremony, smoke from burning sage surrounds the Blue Hole. It is so simple and yet so beautiful. I see that someone has dropped a plastic tub of McDonald's ketchup into the well. I wanted to jump in and get in. I can't ignore the item, but imagine it might be illegal and or inappropriate to go into the well. I feel embarassed by my grouchy mental state

Some of us speak only English. Others speak only Spanish. Linda Xmines translates, enabling a quality of connection and the formation of community. A gentleness enters that can be seen on our faces.
We sit along the banks of the stream and begin sharing words. Words do not equal grief, words do not equal emotion, but once authentic emotion is permitted, we find our humanity. I turn inside. I feel numb. My mind is filled with thoughts not feelings. Awareness dawns first through sensation. I sense a heaviness, and am not surprised by this. Discouragement and overwhelm have been with me. Noticing the state of consciousness, I call upon my faith. Life comes into me as I journey from my head to my heart. I am grateful that I found companions this morning.

Soon a hawk flies down and perches himself on a tree limb directly above the center of the stream, a short distance away from us. He is the largest bird I have seen up close in a long time. He flies away and then returns to the same branch. The grumbling in my head stops. Stillness.

We are invited to walk in quiet solitude on the paths and areas nearby. Hunger arises in my belly. I silently chastise myself for failing to prepare adaquately. I accept that some days I am better connected to spirit than others.

We return to our seats on the banks in this place where the river begins. People place flowers, leaves and other offerings to guide their prayers downstream. The argument in my head regarding the ketchup in the well persists. Will I ever become a dignified minister or will I remain the wild child that I am? Because this idea has persisted this long, I honor it and decide to act. I explain that if this is our sanctuary and the blue hole our altar, then I will not allow pollution to remain. I turn and face my target, the trash that sit at the bottom. I dive, and quickly Ive completed my mission. I feel refreshed, awake and happier than I have been all day.

Soon, a few women begin to leave. An old lullaby "Deep Blue Sea" by John Bell comes to my mind, and I thank Spirit for the gift. I sing and people join with me on the last verse. Teary eyes, mine and others let me knew that trusting my intuition is always the way to go.
The ceremony ends and we linger nearby. Diane tells that when I was singing the fish that were in and near the Blue Hole had gathered. She says that she had watched them all morning and this was the only time it happened.
I give thanks, Spirit of Life for calling us to peace, wonder and faith.

Friends who are activists and those who are spirit oriented, join me in remembering that every act can be transformative. Much depends on our intention. And when our intention isn't what we want it to be, as I found this morning, we need only turn to our hearts, our faith and the source of all life. Then we stand on sacred ground, and receive gifts for the blessed work ahead of us.